Paula's Miscellaneous Ramblings II

Still stuck. In traffic mostly....

2010-12-01T07:09:00.000-08:00

I don’t understand how people do it. Get to work on time. Even when the traffic is completely jacked and it takes twice as long as usual (and three times as long as it should – if there wasn’t traffic). I pull into the parking lot at work (after sitting in 15 miles of “parking lot” on the highway for over an hour) and it looks like every other single person that works in my building (and then some) are already here. And when I make it upstairs to my office, everyone is sitting at their desks as if they’ve been there for hours. Of course, I have no way of really knowing if they all just arrived five minutes before me, but it feels like I’m the only loser who is arriving 40 minutes late. It stresses me out to no end. I mean, what does everyone do, get up three hours early to check the weather and traffic reports every day??? That isn’t realistic, and I’m sure everyone doesn’t do that. Am I just unlucky and always get stuck in extra bad traffic? That can’t be it either. I am exhausted by the time I get to work. Exhausted. I don’t even feel like working anymore. I want to go back to sleep, wake up and start over. In an apartment that's five minutes from my office. It’s so frustrating. Every day I wake up, feeling pretty good. I get in my car with the mindset of “today is going to be good, I’m going to get X, Y and Z accomplished at work”. And then it takes an hour to crawl to work. Stop and go, stop and go, slam on the brakes for the idiot who keeps changing lanes in front of me. More stop and go. When I finally make it to my desk, I’m completely exhausted. I can’t even think straight. Am I the only one experiencing this? Do the masses just roll with it and carry on like nothing happened??? Is there something wrong with me that I get this irritated, and mentally and physically tired from traffic? I don’t know. Maybe it’s genetic. I recall when I was a child, hearing my parents say how my dad didn’t want to commute too far (he worked 2 miles from home for like 20 years) so that’s why he never got a better job. I never understood it. Until now. I dream about working from home or working somewhere that doesn’t involve a 20 mile commute on a highway that is built for the traffic volumes of the 1950s – with no plan in site to expand it any time soon. I mean, what would it be like to never have to deal with this crap? Would I feel better? Would I have more energy? I really think that this commute is slowly killing me. But there aren’t any jobs 5 miles from my home. At least, no jobs that pay what I make now. Heck, there aren’t many jobs that pay what I make now for what I do now. So I’m stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck. Any ideas????

p.s. This is my first blog in nine months. And what do you know - the subject of my last entry revolved around feeling "stuck". Guess nothing much has changed over the past nine months...

What to do with the rest of my life

2010-02-02T15:19:00.000-08:00

I’m stuck. I’m stuck in a dead-end job that I hate. I’m stuck in a cycle of job-unhappiness. I’m stuck in house I don’t like in a neighborhood that I don’t like. I’m stuck in a cycle of never having enough motivation to do anything about any of it. I’m just stuck. I think (dream) about doing things to improve my situation. But I never do them. Or I never finish doing them. Prime example – the real estate course. I got all gung-ho about getting my real estate license and started envisioning myself in a whole new career. I ordered up (and paid for) Part 1 of the online coursework (ordering is easy!) and I have proceeded to complete exactly the first two (tiny little) sections of the course. In 3 months. And I have no motivation, ambition or desire to finish it. I’ve lost interest. Already. And I’ve managed come up with enough reasons (ok, excuses) on why it wouldn’t really work out, or why I wouldn’t really like it anyway, or why it would be too hard to be successful at it, etc., etc., etc. So I moved onto my next big idea. Going to graduate school. I bought the GMAT study guide. I signed up on the Princeton Review website and MBA.com. I’ve spent hours reading about how to study for the test. I got excited when the Amazon.com package arrived with my big fat GMAT test prep review book. And then I tried the first three math practice questions. And I got them all wrong, and I didn’t necessarily understand the explanations on how to solve them. So I started thinking that maybe that isn’t the right path either. Because it will be too hard. And take too much time. And it will cost a lot of money to go back to school anyhow. The GMAT book has remained closed ever since. I carry it back and forth to work some days. But I never make any real effort to find time to look at it. So this week’s idea is opening a coffee shop. I’ve come up with all the reasons that I think it would be a great idea and why it would work, and how to find my customers. I’ve envisioned what it would look like. I’ve pictured myself behind the counter. I’ve heard myself telling people how this is MY shop and I love it and it’s the best decision I ever made (quitting my 9-5 and risking everything to open a coffee shop. A coffee shop). And then I realize how much work it would actually be and how risky it would be and how I really don’t like talking to strangers anyway, and well…. I’m back to feeling stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck.

I see people (old classmates, friends, co-workers, strangers) doing all kinds of important, exciting, meaningful, useful things with their lives. And I’m so jealous. I want to do all those things too. But I have no energy. I have no drive. I have no passion for anything. I just want to sit in front of the TV or internet and dream. Or sleep. Or flip through magazines and books and sip coffee (in someone else’s coffee shop). I know it’s unrealistic to think that I could go through life and not have to work a regular job. But that’s the only thing that really appeals to me. Essentially, I want to be retired. And have enough money to just live comfortably and go out to dinner once in a while. I don’t need to travel the world (although that would be nice) and I don’t need to live in an ocean front in a mansion (although I wouldn’t turn down that opportunity either). But I’m tired of feeling like my whole life has been spent working (at jobs I hate) to pay for a life that is too damn expensive and not very impressive. I live in a so-so house in a so-so neighborhood. I have a so-so job that pays a so-so salary (at least in relation to cost of living). When someone asks me what I do, I hate trying to explain the answer. I want to be able to say I’m a “something” or a “somebody” - and for it to actually mean something. When someone asks me where I live, I hate telling them because I always have to “puff up” my response with all the reasons why I’m living in such a shitty city. I like my house but I hate the neighborhood. I make $55,000/year and the only place I can afford to own a home is in a depressed, broken-down, ‘hood-like city. And I hate it. But I’m stuck there. Because I’m not willing to downgrade my living space or the niceness (that I’ve created with my own sweat equity and cash) inside the four walls of my house. At least, I think that’s the problem. But I also think I could and would be willing to downgrade. If someone else was.

And this may be completely an excuse on my part, or a way for me to try and blame my stuck-ness on someone else, but here goes. John is not interested in moving anywhere far away. Or even moving to a smaller place so that we could live closer to good jobs or schools. Whenever I mention moving to where there are potentially more jobs or more opportunities (like closer to Philly or possibly to a whole new city in another state) he’s not interested at all. I feel like I’m unable to pursue good opportunities (jobs or schools) because John doesn’t want to move anywhere. (Of course, I must insert here that even if he agreed to move anywhere in the world with me, there is still the possibility that I would not follow through on my dream/goal/plan– see paragraph#1 above – so I’m not at all saying that it’s his fault). But, BUT - from my perspective, we are at the prime time in our lives to figure out how and where we want to spend the rest of our lives. We’re about to get married. He is unemployed. I am un-happily employed. We have no dependants to support. We have a house that could be sold for a profit to pay off other debts so that we could essentially start over, together, debt-free, in a better place, with a smarter mindset. If we sold the house, I could quit my annoying job and go back to school full time. Then when I finished school, I would have a master’s degree and skills to get a better job doing something that I could tolerate (and possibly - gasp! - even enjoy), and that would actually pay well after a few years of experience. The only sacrifice would be in the short term (2 years +/-). We’d have to live in an apartment and watch our pennies while I went to school. But the apartment would (ideally) be near school, which would likely be near good jobs, which would mean more opportunities all around (and shorter commute times) for both of us. I’m sure I’d need to work part-time while I went to school, but if I didn’t have all the overbearing bills that I do now (mortgage, taxes, car payment, credit card payments) it would be a huge burden off my shoulders. I’d feel so much more “able” to focus on something like going back to school. If we didn’t have all the overhead that we currently do, I wouldn’t feel so damn stuck. And by overhead, I mean debts. And by we, I mean me. I’m the one with all the debts. I’m the one with all the overhead. And I’m tired of it. I don’t have a problem being the primary bread winner, I don’t, but I can’t do it under the current circumstances. And I’m not talking about John being laid off. I’m talking about having a job that I despise. And having bills (and wants) that outweigh my current, own personal earning ability. So in my mind, the obvious solution is to figure out how to increase my earning ability AND decrease my bills at the same time. Hence – sell the house, go back to school and START OVER! My problem seems to be convincing John that starting over makes sense. For either of us.

Some people may say it’s too late to start over at 36. I fully disagree. Using standard retirement guidelines, I’ve got at least 30 more years of working ahead of me. 30 MORE YEARS! That’s more years than I’ve already been working. And that’s 30 years too long to continue working unhappily and underpaid. I may have screwed up college the first time around, but here’s another chance to do it right. There is absolutely nothing – NOTHING – holding me back from making the changes I want right now. Except for my house (and it’s associated debts) and where that house is located (not close enough to any good jobs or schools). And, of course, my tendency to dream up ideas and never follow through... But I really truly think that my reasons for not following through on a lot of my “dreams” is because I feel so stuck within my current living situation. I always have. Because I always try to reach just beyond what is comfortable to afford. Because I always want something more than I can actually afford. But this time around, not only do I have the recurring bills and debts of the house, I have a huge list of things in my head (and on many lists written down over the years) of fix-it projects that need to be done around the house. John doesn’t see them or think about them or even necessarily know that they exist, but there are sooooo many things that I wanted to do to my house that I never got around to doing. And there are sooooo many things that I started doing to my house and never finished. And now they are weighing on my mind constantly. Unfinished visions. And they all cost money to finish. And I don’t want to spend the money on them anymore. Because they aren’t a priority for me anymore. I have other priorities now. Like getting married and planning a future. And not getting into any more credit card debt. Fixing up the house requires more spending. More spending than I care to do anymore.

When I bought my house three years ago I had just moved back to PA after being in Chicago for 6 years. I was recovering from being homesick. I was single. I had just started a new job. Owning a ‘house’ was a big deal for me. I had only owned condos (apartments really) in the past. I had visions of what owning a house would be like. I thought it would be sooooo much better than a condo. It’s not better. It’s not even all that different (especially when you still share a wall). But it’s more expensive and it’s more work - two things I definitely didn’t want or need. But I was excited to have a garage and a private driveway and a basement and a yard - things that didn’t come with condo life. But now that there’s two of us, the things that made having the house so great for me are gone or unnecessary, or just plain not important. I don’t use the garage anymore because I can’t get in and out of it easily and John likes to use it for art projects anyhow. Plus it’s not really big enough to park comfortably in and store “garage stuff”. We don’t use the yard because it’s sloping and super-exposed to the neighbors and traffic. We hardly use the extra bedrooms upstairs because we spend most of our time together in the downstairs. We hate cutting the grass. We hate dragging laundry up and down stairs to the basement. I’m not saying it would be awesome to live in an apartment that wouldn’t even have in-unit laundry, but I’m saying that it’s not all that special to have it in your house when it’s two flights down. Maybe I’m just complaining about nonsense, but my point is – all the things that made me want a house so badly four years ago are gone now. All I really wanted (but didn’t admit then) was someone to share my life with. And in my twisted mind of four years ago, I thought that having a house would somehow magically substitute for that. I would feel like I had a happy little family life - even if I wasn’t really all that happy and I didn’t have a family. Stupid? Yes. And now I’m paying for it.

I guess what I’m saying is this…. I don’t need that house anymore to make me feel good about myself. I used to. But I don’t anymore. I want other things now. More important things. I want to be able to have a job I enjoy. I want to be able to have kids someday (soon) and be able to take care of them without struggling financially. I want my kids to be proud of me and my choices. I want to be able to teach my kids how to avoid the mistakes I made. But if I continue to live my life trying to move forward - without ever actually moving forward - I’ll never be able to do that. I feel like the longer I stay in Pottstown and grasp at straws to find a solution that allows me to stay in Pottstown (be it a different house or a different job), the more time I’m losing of the future I really want.

Somehow, by the luck of fate, I managed to find the love of my life and we are so truly happy together. I’m so very excited to be getting married to a wonderful person who loves me with all his heart, as I do him. So many people get married and never even come close to having what we have. So I want our future to be bright and prosperous and enjoyable. And I feel like holding onto my (former) “fantasy home-owner life” in Pottstown is making it really hard to get there. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I don’t think so. The house I want doesn’t exist in Pottstown. Well, it exists, but I could never afford it without some higher education or better career prospects – which are hard to come by within driving distance of Pottstown. John and I have talked about building a house on my parent’s land (that they would give me for free). And that sounds like a great idea. And I’d be super excited to do that. Except for the fact that I have no time to look into it and no money to look into it because I’m so busy driving to and from work and struggling to pay for a house that I don’t even want anymore. I feel like if I could get a break from the current house and all it’s entrapments, I could pay off my existing debts much more quickly, and grow my bank account that much faster too. It probably sounds stupid to sell a perfectly good house and move into a much smaller (and overpriced) apartment. But if I can save time, gas money, car wear and tear, stress, AND live closer to work and potentially school, it makes sense to me. After all, it’d only be temporary. I still want to have a house – but I want a real house, with a yard and room to park both our cars plus guests, and a big garage and lot’s of privacy and no shared walls. But I’ll never get that if I keep treading water in Pottstown. At least, that’s how I feel today.

Things I want to do. Like soon.

2009-12-15T14:34:00.000-08:00

Finish cleaning and organizing the basement $$ (partially completed…)

Paint the master bedroom (in that chic light-ish blue color everyone is using these days) $

Rent a carpet shampooer and clean all the carpets $

Finish part one (and two) of the Real Estate Licensing Course (currently only about 1/50th of the way done...)

Pass the PA Real Estate Licensing Exams and get licensed (maybe get a new job in real estate?)

Visit Bushkill Falls (take photos with the new camera!) – currently closed for winter until March (which seems lame – wouldn’t frozen waterfalls be kind of neat to see and photograph?)

Pick a wedding/~~reception~~ location (future $$$$$) – reception spot is chosen (finally!), now we just need to nail down the ceremony spot – but we may be close!

Have the driveway widened $$$ (or just move…)

Get a fence installed (for the dog AND privacy from annoying neighbors) $$$ (or just move…)

Research building a house next to my parents (subdividing the lot, getting approval or build, etc.) $$$$ - see if it’s even possible…

Possibly pursue some kind of further education to get out of this annoying circle of job-unhappiness (MBA?)

Lose a shitload of weight. Seriously. This should be free…

And, related to above – start going to the gym again (I pay for this, why don’t I go???)

So you see, I’ve got quite a few “To Do’s” on my list. And this doesn’t even include half of the stuff that comes into my mind on a daily basis, OR the normal everyday type to do items (straightening, dishes, vacuuming, etc.), OR the holiday-time to do items (wrapping gifts, buying gifts, planning for guests, etc.). These are just the things that have been on the list in my head for what seems like FOREVER! And as you can see, many of them involve some type of monetary expenditure (hence why they’ve probably been on the list since the beginning of time)! But I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed about all the things I want to do, yet never seem to do. And it’s because I don’t seem to have any energy or ambition to accomplish anything (at least not the “big” stuff). Does anyone know what I’m doing wrong?

Why I hate my job in 1,643 words

2009-12-09T13:18:00.000-08:00

I don’t hate my job in the traditional sense. At least, I don’t think I do. When most people say they hate their jobs, I assume it’s primarily because they are underpaid (be it due to choice of field or lack of education or experience), or simply because they just don’t make enough money to support their desired lifestyle. So they are bitter. And some people probably hate their job because their boss is an asshole (been there). But with me, it’s a little different, this time. At least, I think it is.

Overall, I have a really good job. I get paid nicely (for what I actually do). I have flexible hours (generally speaking). I have decent coworkers (no one is an huge asshole). And I have good bosses (again, no assholes, however their management skills can be questionable at times). The work I do isn’t physically demanding. Nor is it mentally demanding (a minor part of the problem). I mostly sit at my desk all day and write emails, make phone calls, and process a boatload of paperwork. Every few days I have to attend a boring team or client meeting. From the outside, it’s a pretty cushy job. But it’s the nuts and bolts of the gig that is driving me to insanity!

Some background… for the last 15 years (holy crap, has it been that long?) I’ve worked in some type of administrative role, be it Administrative Assistant, Administrative Coordinator, Project Coordinator, or, in the earlier years Secretary. Overall, I always like those jobs, but I’d usually got bored with them after a few years (sometimes sooner) and I’ve always felt somewhat stagnant in those jobs, always wishing I had more of a “real job” – which to me meant having a recognized profession with a title, such as Accountant, Lawyer, Doctor, etc. (not that I want to be a doctor, but you get the idea). I always wished there was something more impressive (and higher paying) that I could get into. But its hard to switch over to an entirely different job when you’re accustomed to a certain pay level (and have bills and debts and a shopping habit). Entry level jobs, even in professional fields, have a tendency to start at low salaries, usually less than I was making as an experienced Admin. Enter my current job. I started out doing admin stuff three years ago, and then last year an opportunity came along to merge into something else. Something else that paid a lot more than I was making. It’s called Site Acquisition. And to be blunt – it’s the most ridiculous excuse for a job I have ever seen. We are essentially being paid a lot of money (correction, most ‘Site Acqs’ are being paid a lot of money - me, not so much…) to bother people - to bother people. Constantly. My job is to be the go-between person between our client (the wireless carrier) and the landlord (the property owner where our client has equipment installed). I have to basically “convince” the landlord to drop what they are doing and jump through hoops to meet the client’s ridiculous demands and timelines. Then, once I finally get the landlord on board, I have to jump through more hoops to get the local municipality to issue a building, electrical or zoning permit. And the client always wants it done yesterday. Then, once I get the permits in order, and I file away my notes and files on a particular site (assuming that it’s finally out of my hair), something always inevitably manages to come up after the fact. The client wants something extra done. Or the landlord raises a last minute question. Or the municipality decides we need more permits. And then, in between twenty-five daily inquiries from either my boss or the client as to “where is this at” and “when will this be done”, I get to fill out a bunch of annoying forms and spreadsheets – none of which are ever formatted properly. Sounds like a big giant fun party, right? Didn’t think so. So the job itself is dumb. And annoying. And stupid. And I feel like I never make any real headway. But that’s not even what really bothers me about it. It’s only part of the problem, but not all of it.

First, we have the fact that all of the procedures and paperwork that go into each step of the painful Site Acquisition process is flawed. Nothing can ever be done with any kind of standard procedure to follow. There are no strict guidelines. There are general guidelines, but everything is questionable and flexible (in a bad way), depending on the situation. Everything is always “taken with a grain of salt” and open to either interpretation and or conditional events. And everything is negotiable (at least, that’s what the client seems to think). Just when I think, ok, I finally got an answer on that and we’ll need X, Y and Z… the client will always, always, always ask “but what about A, B and C – can’t we do that instead?” !&^?#$*! Nothing is ever good enough, or complete enough. This goes against my natural tendency to accept a rule and abide by it – I’m sure I’ve said it before, but I’m a rule follower. I don’t like to rock the boat or bend the rules. But the client always wants to bend the rules. For example, a township says we need full engineering drawings and the client will say, why can’t we just redline the old ones? BECAUSE THE TOWNSHIP SAID WE CAN’T ASSHOLES, THAT’S WHY!!!!!

Also, the client is forever changing their minds on what’s required, accepted or expected. For example, a landlord says they want a $600/mth rent increase. Our client says no way, that’s too high. But last week, $600 was perfectly acceptable – for another landlord. WTF? The client pushes and pushes and pushes us to meet a certain date, and get a lease signed, and then when we finally get some progress (i.e. the landlord sends a draft of the lease), they shoot it down and say go back and negotiate some more! WTFF? (that’s “what the f-ing f”… watch the movie Step Brothers for the reference).

Another thing that I hate about my job (and I think this is what bothers me the most), is that I’m just not at all in control of all the variables. I’m not in control of the progress and I’m not in control of the final outcome. Yes, I help move things along a little bit by calling and nagging landlords and townships, but I have no control over how, when or where something happens. And I have zero control over the quality of the work being presented to our client. I just pass the documents and information back and forth. And I hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I want to be responsible for (and in control of) producing something of value, and something that people can see and appreciate and recognize me for. At least when I was an admin I had the chance to create reports or presentations or gather information that someone needed and appreciated. In this job, I spend all my time waiting for other people to provide me with information that is usually flawed, inaccurate or missing some important detail. When I am the one finding the information, I always make sure to do it right, get it right and present it properly. In this job, it’s practically required or expected that I submit bad, incomplete and inaccurate data! And it sucks.

Some other minor annoyances… The building permit applications? All handwritten. With spaces that aren’t big enough to fit a date, let alone a full address or description of the work. And half the time, you can’t even get a copy off the township websites, you need have someone fax it to you! And then you can fax it back. FAX?!?!?! What the hell is a fax and who the hell uses one anymore? Seriously. Or worse yet, they have to snail-mail it to you. Because it’s a 10-part form with carbon copies. Carbon copies! HELP!!!!

I suppose I’ve rambled on enough about why I hate my job, but there are just so many reasons that it sucks and I’m feeling very angry about it this week. We are approaching the end of the year and everything is rush, rush, rush (more than usual) and I’ve had it. I’ve had it up to here! I’m about ready to tell everyone to shove this project up their ass and quit. Of course, that would only hurt me in the long run and it would be completely idiotic to walk out mere weeks before year end. Realistically, I need to stay at this job until at least early 2010 when the announce the 401K match and deposit said funds into my account. That’s the least they can do…

The saddest part of this whole saga is the fact that I asked for this job. I asked for it. And it was a huge mistake. I knew I wouldn’t like Site Acq. I had wet my appetite with it once before a long time ago. I hated it then and I hate it now. But I got money hungry/desperate and thought I could handle it this time. I thought the extra money would make it worth it. It’s not. But of course, by now, I’ve adjusted to the higher income and I’m screwed. The chances of finding a similar paying gig in an administrative role is slim to none. Heck, based upon the job listings I’m seeing right now, the chances of finding any decent administrative job is slim to none, pay scale aside. Damn.

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. Fuck me.

Just checking in...

2009-11-24T10:53:00.000-08:00

So the driving separately thing has been going well, at least from my perspective. Although, honestly, I feel like I’ve been so busy running around from here to there to everywhere for the past week or two that we probably would have ended up driving separately half the time anyhow.

Speaking of being busy, is it possible to have “nothing going on” yet feel as though you have way too much going on? All at the same time? I mean, nothing earth shattering has been happening around here, but work has been stupid crazy busy (and super annoying), and we’ve been trying to narrow down our wedding plans with little success (although, see below for an update), plus I’ve had multiple dentist and doctor appointments (that somehow always manage to fall in the same week, WTF?) – which involves me rushing out the door early from work (and religiously being needed for something two minutes before I need to leave!), which leads to pushing through stupid traffic and barely making my appointment on time, or more typically, arriving a few minutes late. I’ve been all over creation in the past two weeks either for work or doctors or wedding stuff. I swear I’ve put 500 extra miles on my car. Oh, and at least 2 times this week (two days in a row mind you), an extra-jacked-up morning traffic jam allowed me to arrive at work extra-extra-late. Did I mention it was two days in a row? All this running around, being stuck in traffic and dealing with morons (be it clients, doctors or dentists) leaves me feeling completely and utterly exhausted. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, (I thought) I had a job interview thrown in there too! “Thought” being the key word here. Let’s recap, shall we?

Over the last few weeks, John and I have been looking at some wedding spots. We were thinking it would be neat to have the reception somewhere different (no hotels or standard wedding venues), so we checked out a few spots around town, including two art museum/studios in the Reading area – Goggleworks and Reading Art Works. Both were pretty cool. But both were pretty pricey (once you throw in catering and all the extras that aren’t included in the room rental). So we talked about it, and talked about it some more. And then we talked about it some more. We didn’t love either of these locations enough to spend ten grand (or more) at them. We had also looked at couple of fire halls, but we weren’t sold on that idea either. At least, I wasn’t sold on it. I have to admit, last year when I heard that John’s sister was having her reception at a fire hall, I was a little like, eww, how red-necky! But that was before I knew how much it was (really) going to cost to have a wedding reception anywhere (literally, anywhere) else. I mean, I knew weddings can be expensive, but I really thought that someone out there would offer something “decent” for less than $75 per person. But it appears I was wrong. So long story short, we have decided (as of now, unless something else spectacular comes along that we hadn’t thought of, which seems doubtful) to have our reception at the East Greenville Fire Hall. It’s the same fire hall where John’s sister had her reception. And it was nice. And everyone had fun. Now, I’m not going to lie and say it was a gorgeous wonderful memorable space or anything. But it was nice. And it’s cheap. Very cheap. Practically free (seriously!) in comparison to the other venues we looked at. Let’s just say that 100+/- people will eat (until they are full), drink (and get sloppy drunk if they choose) and dance (unfortunately including the chicken dance, argh…), all for less than the cost of just the room rental at many wedding spots. I kid you not. It’s $12 per person! And that includes the tables, chairs, plates and flatware (yes, future brides, there are places that actually charge extra for non-plastic flatware! WTF?). Yes, the food will be served by little old ladies in green aprons. Yes, there will be ugly curtains on the walls and there won’t be any fabulous 30ft high stone-walled lofty settings for trendy photos. But we also won’t be poor (or more likely in debt up to our eyeballs) when it’s all over. So I’m happy with our choice. I figure decorations can go a long way. Right? I’m already starting to envision the decorations and color scheme ideas in my head. Now we just need to find a location for the ceremony. Because, while I’m accepting of the “party” being in a fire hall, I’m not yet willing to accept having the ceremony in one. I have a feeling that may change though. Anyone have any ideas for a hip (preferably non-outdoor) wedding ceremony location? Anyone? Please???

In other news, as I’ve mentioned, I thought I had a job interview. But thanks to our wonderful clients at my current gig (and yes, I do blame them entirely), the interview was “regretfully” cancelled by the company. Long story short (I love to say that but it really never turns out short with me now does it?), I get an email from “Human Resources”. I initially assumed it was some recruiter who didn’t know how to set up their email display name properly (or more likely, some recruiter who set it up that way on purpose to spam people), but it turned out to be a legit HR person. The company was a software startup who had just launched their product in February of this year and had recently procured additional funding (to the tune of $3M) to keep going. I spent several hours researching the place to make sure it was viable, and it seemed like an awesome place to work. And after talking to the HR lady, they job seemed spot-on to match my interests and experience. I scheduled the interview and was getting excited. I went shopping for a new interview outfit (didn’t think a suit was necessary since their website said they wear shorts to work and drink beer on Thursdays – literally), and spent some time prepping my Q&A for the interview in my head and on paper. Then our stupid, annoying, ridiculous excuses for clients started rescheduling all the standard weekly meetings. And one in particular was going to overlap with my interview. Normally I would just skip the meeting, but this week there was a(nother) fire drill going on and I couldn’t just opt out. So I asked HR lady to reschedule (feeling like a complete idiot, knowing full well that rescheduling an interview is never the preferred option). But she managed to set it up for the next day instead, except I’d have to come back to meet the CFO)/CEO (i.e. the most important person in the interview process!) on another day because she wouldn’t be available that day. I thought cool, I made it work. And then our stupid, annoying, ridiculous excuse for a client #1 decided to put the rescheduled meeting back to its original weekly time!!! I could have fucking killed them. I could have made the original interview time without any problem at all, and without looking like an ass for asking to reschedule! So short story long, haha (you like that?), about an hour into when I would have been at the interview (had I not rescheduled), the HR lady emails me to say that “she’s very sorry to do this, but they interviewed someone yesterday and they are going to make them an offer so she needs to cancel my interview”. WTF?!?!?!?!?! I was so pissed. Not at them, but at our, let me say it one more time - stupid, annoying, ridiculous excuse for a client!!! If they could just schedule a freaking meeting time and stick to it, I may have had another (much more posh) job right now! Arrrgh! So, as you see, that opportunity flew right out the window about as fast as it flew in. Realistically, it could have been an much more hellish commute (only 7 miles farther, but potentially 30+ minutes longer with stupid traffic), so it didn’t really mesh with my goal of working closer to home someday (or better yet, working from home full time, or hell, not working at all!) but it sounded like a good (for me) job at a cool company. And I was already picturing all the cool company logo gear I’d inherit from all the marketing events and trade shows (because you know how these startups go… promote, promote, promote!). Oh well.

So aside from work being as lame as always, and me continuing to dream about retiring tomorrow, not a whole lot is new around here. Thanksgiving is just two days away (gasp!) and then it will be Christmas and then New Years and then the wedding planning will need to jump into gear big time. As will the wedding savings account. Which, incidentally has not been growing nearly fast enough. I wish I could just take a hiatus from paying all other bills for like, oh I don’t know, 3 months (?) and that would allow me to sock away enough for the wedding (I think). But alas, das mortgage and das Honda payments (and all the financial entrapments that go along with them, and life) must continue. And Visa, MasterCard and Discover also like a little ching-ching thrown at them from time to time too I guess.

Humph.

Work(ing) is really starting to work on my nerves

2009-11-20T11:48:00.000-08:00

7:00am - 7:05am Wake up
7:05am - 7:10am Stumble to bathroom
7:10am - 7:15am Toilet (TMI, sorry)
7:15am - 7:30am Shower
7:30am - 7:45am Get dressed
7:45am - 8:00am Dry hair (takes way too long)
8:00am - 8:05am Make-up
8:05am - 8:15am Walk dog
8:15am – 8:20am Lug purse, laptop, lunch to car, get situated in car
8:20am – 8:30am Start driving to work, 5 stops signs and avoid running over ‘hood children
8:30am – 8:35am Wawa, stop for coffee and breakfast (some days)
8:35am – 8:36am Risk life merging onto highway
8:36am – 8:45am Drive at normal highway speeds
8:45am – 9:00am Come to a complete halt, followed by sit in stop and go traffic on highway
9:00am – 9:10am Be late for work due to traffic (typical)
9:00am – 9:20am Sit in extra-slow traffic on highway (some days), be extra-late for work
9:15am – 6:00pm Work (rarely taking a normal lunch break)
6:00pm – 6:02pm Risk life exiting parking lot
6:02pm – 6:05pm Wait at stupid traffic light 2 feet from parking lot
6:05pm – 6:10pm Risk life again merging across three lanes onto highway
6:10pm – 6:20pm Push through bumper-bumper stop and go traffic bottleneck
6:20pm – 6:25pm Drive normally at highway speeds
6:25pm – 6:35pm Sit in more stop and go traffic
6:35pm – 6:45pm Drive normally at highway speeds
6:45pm – 6:55pm Drive normally, but with 4 traffic lights and 5 stop signs
6:55pm – 7:00pm Arrive home
7:00pm – 7:15pm Change clothes, wash face, put hair in ponytail (required!)
7:15pm – 8:00pm Prepare/Order and eat dinner
8:00pm – 8:15pm Walk dog
8:15pm – 8:30pm Do dishes, straighten up and other chores
8:30pm – 9:30pm Sit ass on sofa, watch TV, surf web*
9:30pm – 9:35pm Take dog out for potty break
9:35pm – 11:00pm Sit ass on sofa, watch TV, surf web*
11:00pm – 11:05pm Take dog out for final potty break
11:05pm – 11:30pm Prep for bed
11:30pm – 12:00am Read book (maybe, if I’m not too exhausted)
12:00am – 7:00am Sleep

Wash, rinse, repeat. FIVE DAYS A WEEK!!!!

*I have no idea how people do anything other than sit on the sofa every night… my energy level is non-existent after all the driving and traffic and workday BS…

Did I mention five days a week??? Seriously. How do people do it when you throw a couple of kids in the mix? Homework? Play time? Sports practice? WTF?

I think I need a vacation!

Accept the Necessary Evil or Choose Sanity Preservation?

2009-11-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

As some people know, John and I work together. Generally speaking, we don’t work together on the same exact tasks or individual projects, but we work at the same company, in the same building, on the same overall client project, in the same room. So, as you might imagine, it only makes sense that we would drive to work together. And about half of the time its fine. But the other half of the time, it makes me absolutely insane. About half the time we end up bickering about some mundane issue (often about how the other person is driving). And more than half the time, I’m pretty sure I start the problem. I make a comment using the wrong tone (not on purpose) which makes John mad, which leads to me getting defensive, which leads to us spending the rest of the trip in either an uncomfortable silence or a heated argument. It’s the silence that’s the worst. And I hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. In the past, I’ve suggested to John that we stop driving together, but it always comes back around to how silly it would be to waste gas (and put wear and tear on two cars) when we’re going to the exact same place at the exact same time, so I always squelch my argument. And for the most part, I agree that it makes the most sense to drive together (from a financial and common sense approach). But I also think there are many reasons why it makes better sense (i.e. for the sake of our relationship) to drive separately.

When we get into one of these on- the-road bickering fests, we waste time and energy arguing about a bunch of stupid crap for no reason, and I arrive at work feeling all stressed out. Work can be plenty stressful all by itself, so I don't need the extra level of personal stress added on top. One of the things that John and I have hard time understanding about each other, is the different types of stress we experience in our jobs. Without going off on a huge tangent here, our jobs are very different and we have very different levels of responsibility. And regardless of how either of us feels about the level of stress in our jobs and who has more or less, I personally need to have a certain level of calmness and relaxation when I enter the office each morning. Because it’s not uncommon for me to have to immediately jump into a fire drill or impromptu meeting, mere seconds after walking through the door. And I need to be able to focus on the task at hand. I need to arrive at work feeling ready to work. And if I’m still reeling inside from a stupid argument that John and I had in the car, I don’t feel ready to start the day, and I don’t feel like I’m going to do my best job that day. Because I’m distracted. And I hate it. Sure, even if we didn’t work together or drive together we could easily have a fight one morning and “bring it into work” with us. But I guarantee it wouldn’t happen nearly as often, and it certainly wouldn’t be about work. Or whether one of us braked too hard at the stoplight on the corner.

The same approach applies to the drive home. I need my drive home to be as calm and relaxing as possible. I’ve always used that time to decompress from the day. I typically don’t like to talk on the phone or listen to loud music while I drive, especially while driving home from work. So the last thing I want to do is get into an argument about nothing (a “nothing fight” as John calls them). If we argue on the way home, it leeches into the mood for that evening, and instead of arriving home and looking forward to hanging out together, I arrive home wanting to bang both our heads against the wall! My frustration and annoyance then boils over into other little things, like the crumbs on the floor or the dishes in the sink, or the fact that the TV is immediately turned on the second we arrive home (more noise!!!), and I lash out at John unnecessarily. Which creates an unhappy home environment. And I hate it. If I just had that 30-45 minutes of decompression time while driving home, I swear I’d be much less likely to nag or snap at John about stupid crap. I really do. (Yes, I will still be an uber-neat-freak but maybe I won’t feel the need to freak out about it so much!).

Other little things…

1) Music: I really miss listening to some of my favorite CDs, local artists, etc. This is partially due to now having XM, but it’s also because I almost always have a travel companion (John), and I’m inclined to listen to things we both enjoy (or can both tolerate). I miss singing along to those same CDs… songs John doesn’t know, and/or like. I also enjoy listening to smooth jazz, but John says it puts him to sleep, so I usually don’t select that channel. And when John drives, I’m easily annoyed by his choice of music because it’s too loud or alternative or chatty or whatever. I hate talk radio (despise would be more accurate), and I know that’s something John enjoys (comedy shows, sports, etc.). So neither of us ever gets to listen to what we’d actually choose - if we were by ourselves in the car. And that's fine for weekends or vacations or whatever, you compromise with your car mates. But it's literally been months and months and months since I've listened to some of my music. I'm sure John would tell me to go ahead and listen to whatever I want, but it's not the same. I can't enjoy it the same way when we are talking over top of the music and whatnot. It's just not the same.

2) I prefer to go into the office later (around 9am, give or take) and stay until whenever I feel “done” for the day, usually at 6pm-ish, but sometimes later. John would prefer to work a strict 8-5. He has adapted to my schedule so that we can drive together, and most of the time I can leave by 6pm (or a bit earlier) without a problem. But if he wasn’t sitting over there waiting for me to get done - a) he could have been home already (if he’d arrived at 8am), and b) I wouldn’t feel pressured to leave. It’s just another level of added (and unnecessary) stress. He says he doesn’t mind waiting around, but there have been several times where he has gotten mad because we got home later than usual and he had to rush to eat dinner and get back out the door for his poker game. So it has been a problem, in my book.

3) Our driveway is a tandem setup (one car behind the other), and if we drive separately and John leaves at 7am (for the 8-5) and I leave at 8am (for the 9-6), I come home after him and block him in, so the next morning I have to move my car to let him out, thereby essentially defeating the purpose of sleeping later and leaving later since I still have to drag my bed-head downstairs and outside to move my car (and more annoyingly, scrape ice/snow off in winter). So you see the dilemma. Of course, my solution is for John to park on the street so that I can park in the garage (my car is newer), but he refuses to park on the street, which is another point of anguish for us, so we have no solution, other than driving together. Sure, if I liked driving his car and he liked driving my car, whoever left first could just take whichever car was out first. But that’s not currently the case, so it’s a problem. At least until we get the driveway widened (maybe someday…), or John gets a different car (yes, it's mostly me who doesn't want to drive his car, I admit).

4) If we staggered our work start and end times (him 8-5 / me 9-6), there wouldn’t be as much pressure to immediately get home for the dog (for either of us). If one of us needed or wanted to make a stop on the way home, we could, because the other person would be home to let the dog out and feed her. I feel like I haven’t been able to keep up with my errands and (girl-mandated) shopping stops because we are always together and always need to get home for the dog, or because John has a poker game, or whatever. Sure, I could go out shopping after we get home, but then we have the issue of re-arranging the cars, and really, who wants to come home, eat dinner and THEN go back out? Not me.

So... I just think there are enough good reasons to consider driving to work separately under normal circumstances. There are certainly going to be days where driving together is more appropriate, or simply desired. For example, if one person’s car is in the shop, or if one person isn’t feeling well or just doesn’t feel like driving, we can car pool. Or maybe we can come to a middle ground, where we drive separate Monday-Thursday, but drive together on Fridays, or something like that. But this every single day routine of driving together, followed by working together, followed by driving together, followed by living together, plus a weekend of driving/living/being, driving/living/being together…. well, it’s just a lot. For any couple. That may sound harsh, or like I’m saying I need space or something, but that’s not really it. I mean, yes, I’d like some more “me time” and I’m sure John would admit that he does too. Because we are way beyond the limits of ‘normal amounts of together time’ for any couple. But I accept the working together part (as best as I can, because I know it’s the best option financially for us right now). And I accept (and enjoy) that we spend so much time together - most of the time, I really do. But I also need to be able to be all by myself sometimes. And not just when I need to be (because John couldn’t make it, or because I have a work or personal task that doesn’t involve him) but because it’s healthy for both of us to spend time apart. Ask any therapist out there (not that I’ve been to one lately, but I do read the internets…). I guess that’s all I’m saying. I need my car-time-me-time back!

Obviously, we are going to have tiffs throughout our relationship (and some of them will take place in the car). But if there’s a way to eliminate a repeated environment that seems to be causing a recurring tiff, whether its driving to work together or trying to share a popsicle, well then why not get rid of that environment if you can? There are like five couples in our office (don’t ask, it’s a cult…) and none of them regularly drive into work together. Usually it’s because their schedules are very different or one or both of them needs to be out in the field frequently, but still. The norm seems to be allowing that little “me time” (the driving time) in between the work together / live together situation. And I think it’s for the best.

So what would you do blog-stalkers (and friends)? Should I accept the “necessary evil” of driving to work together because it makes the most financial/logical sense? Or is it ok to choose (or insist upon) the less-financially savvy and less logical “sanity preservation” method of driving separately? Help!!!

October to October

2009-11-04T08:53:00.000-08:00

This post is a week overdue. But really, what else is new (when you’re talking about me and blogging in the same sentence). Hard to believe it’s already been a week. A week, that is, since my 15+/- year old cat, Fuzzy, suddenly got very sick and had to be put down. At least, it seemed very sudden. In retrospect, I suppose she was declining slowly over the last few years, and especially over the last few months, but maybe I neglected to notice the severity of the situation. Until it was too late to help her.

It’s hard to say (or ever really know for sure) exactly what may have caused Fuzzy’s quick demise. The vet said she could have had cancer or another slow moving disease that’s been festering for years and now her body just shut down. No way to know. Although, in all honesty, I was a neglectful pet owner for many years. Somewhere along the line I had gotten it in my head that it wasn’t necessary to take indoor-only cats to the vet unless they were visibly sick. And she never seemed sick. Sure, the occasional hairball and potty accident, but nothing that screamed “vet needed”. And yes, I feel super guilty about it. I’m sure my reasoning for avoiding the vet originally stemmed from a financial perspective. When I first got her, I was in a whole different realm financially. $50 or $100 for the vet could have been the difference between paying rent or not (or more likely the difference between having money for clubbing or not). But these days (and frankly, for the past 10 years) I’ve been more than financially capable of supporting a pet’s health needs. But I choose not to. So yeah, I feel like I let Fuzzy down, to a point. But I must note, 15 years is a pretty long life for a cat (regardless of the people who claim cats can now live to be 30 yrs + with proper care). And realistically, even if I had taken her to the vet weeks ago (when she first started showing minor symptoms – which I didn’t think anything of at the time), the end result probably would have been the same. But with a couple hundred or thousand dollars in medical visits, tests, meds, etc. Sorry, but the financial implications will always be an issue to some respect. So I’m glad, for Fuzzy’s sake (and that of my bank account) that it happened relatively quickly.

But I still wonder if maybe I should have taken her to the emergency vet the night before. Maybe it would have made a difference. I really don’t think so, but I can’t help but wonder. I also can’t help but wonder if maybe the dog aggravating her (chasing her and trying to play) was just too much for her and it stressed her to the point of eventual collapse. Again, I doubt it, but I still wonder. I also think maybe taking her to the vet (finally) for a checkup and shots several months ago somehow caused her to decline more rapidly. I mean, she didn’t have shots for years and years, and then suddenly 3 months after a vet check, she’s gone. The only reason I took her to the vet after all that time was because when we started looking for a dog, all the rescues wanted a vet reference and it became clear to me that not taking your animals to the vet was a big no-no in the animal rescue world. So I felt like I’d goofed and was screwed for being able to adopt a dog, and of course I felt guilty for neglecting Fuzzy all those years, so I took her in. I also let her fur get too matted (she was long-haired) before taking her to the groomer. I finally got her groomed (lion-cut) 3 weeks ago. And now she’s gone. Maybe the vet + new dog + grooming was all just too much for her. Or maybe she was just old, and she would have gone either way. Impossible to ever know I guess.

So I ended up doing what any guilty pet owner would do when it comes to deciding how to properly and humanely say goodbye to (and also remember) your pet. I choose the most expensive “option” of a private cremation where I’ll get her ashes returned to me. I have no idea how they will come back, or how big or what kind of container they will be in. I’m assuming it will be very small. And if it doesn’t come in some kind of little urn, I will be getting something nice to put the ashes in. If I wasn’t experiencing it firsthand, I’m sure I’d be laughing at the dork who is paying $160 (+ euthanizing fee, +office visit, +whatever other fees they tack on – sorry, again, the finances are always on the mind around here) to have their cat cremated and save the ashes. But whatever. I think it’s the least I can do for her after avoiding vet bills for a million years.

So October to October. I don’t know Fuzzy’s actual birth date, but I do clearly remember that I got her in October. I think it was October 22nd, although I could be confusing that with August 22nd (the day we adopted Mason a few months ago). But I know I got Fuzzy in October. The exact year is foggy, but my best guess is 15 years ago. So...

October to October, 1994-2009, RIP Fuzzy Girl. We miss you. Mason too!

Where in the heck did I leave off…?

2009-10-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

I can’t even begin to image the million-and-one blog-a-luscious opportunities I’ve probably missed over the past few months. So many times I’ve said, ooh ooh here’s a good blog topic, only to let it slip back into my archived memories, never to be thought of again. I tried to write stuff down. I do have a small list of things I was saving up and wanted to blog about, both in my personal blog and in my PF blog, so here’s that list. I may or may not ever touch on any of these topics ever again, so I decided to put a little summary behind each one (both for your reading enjoyment, and my own personal memory-jogging, should I never need to remember the reason behind the post, or wish to take my memory for a run - get it? memoery jogging? LOL, I crack myself up...).

We got a dog! And related costs… Dog Adoption Fee, Food (Organic of course – the dog eats better than we do!), Toys, more Toys, Leashes and Collars (still trying to find the “perfect” one), Bedding, Crate, Vet/Shots/Meds, etc., etc., etc. We still need (NEED!) to invest in some behavioral training classes to get the little knuckle-head (my newest pet-name for Mason – yes, I created a pet-name for the pet…) to stop acting insane when she see's other people, pets or the wind.... I don’t regret any of it, but even a rescue dog (without the $899 pet store price tag) isn’t cheap. Don’t let anyone fool you!

The costs of being engaged… new wedding planning budget, new debt repayment plan, new savings goals, etc… Engagement Ring, MacBook Pro (Scoop’s engagement ring). In a nutshell, my previous financial plan went to hell in a hand basket (is that the phrase???) and a new, less aggressive budget has taken over. I’m allocating bigger sums of money to the credit card debts with an interest rate above 0%, and then I will tackle the 0% debt. The goal is to have all existing credit card debts paid in full BEFORE the wedding. While also socking away as much cash as possible for the wedding in my special ING Direct “Wedding Fund” savings account. Whereas, in the past, I was taking John’s monthly rent contribution and applying it to my own spending and entertainment budget (i.e. Harrahs… argh), I am now allocating his entire rent checks, plus what he is paying towards his debts (engagement ring, bankruptcy fees, plus a small balance for some car repairs from last year) against the Bank of America Visa (current balance after today’s payment – approximately $2,894. Based upon my debt repayment Excel spreadsheet schedule, this card will be paid in full by February 2010, alleviating THAT bill. Then we tackle the Discover Card 0% balance will full force. Still trying to put a minimum of $600/mth in my regular (no special purpose) savings account, and $100/mth in the wedding fund (which will need to drastically increase as we get closer to the date – which also has not been determined… another post…). Basically, this getting married stuff is EXPENSIVE!!!

Work Situation… After having essentially a mild mental breakdown at work a few weeks ago, I have successfully managed to achieve what I wanted (for now). Last year I asked for a new job, and they gave it to me. I have since decided that I don’t like new job. Hate, is the more appropriate term. I through a fit (essentially) after a disconcerting conference call with a new client, basically risked my job in the process, but thankfully, things have gone in my favor (thus far). I’m going to be able to slowly transition back into my old job and keep my current (significantly higher salary) for now. Stroke of luck? Maybe. The employment gods shined on me that week.

Emergency Funds… I don’t believe in them, generally speaking. The term “emergency” to me means that it’s something I wasn’t expecting, something I assumed wouldn’t happen, and something that shouldn’t happen (with proper planning and precaution). One can argue this point ‘til the ends of the earth I’m sure, and maybe my position on the matter will change as my financial position continues to improve, but for right now? I have better things to do with my cash flow. If a real, true emergency came up, I have $50K+/- of available low-ish interest credit between Visa and MasterCard. Another $20K if you include store cards and specialty shops. Hence, I prefer to allocated my current cash income to pay down my existing debts and increase my bank account balance. Sure, I’m taking a risk that some emergency could come along and wipe out the small sum of cash I do have, and/or add significantly more debt to my load. But I’ll take my chances. I’ll kick myself later if I need to.

Company Picnic… We had one. It was lame. Scoop didn’t want to go. We fought about it. He attended anyway. We both lived. End of story. ;-)

Dad situation… One day Scoop and Schmoop went to visit Schmoop's rents. Schmoop's Dad was in a mood and started a fight with Schmoop, about Scoop using his iPhone. It was dumb, and pointless, and had more to do with my absent brother (IMHO), so I let it go for the most part. Scoop was still uncomfortable though. Visiting the future in-laws was not, and is not something he is overjoyed about. But then we had…

Our Engagement Party… Dad apologized to Scoop, said he was glad to have him as a son-in-law. Schmoop's Mom and Dad (M&D) gave us a super sweet card with handwritten note (teary eyed worthy) and $100 bucks to boot. All is well. We will live happily ever after. Possibly next door (next field… haha) to Schmoop's M&D.

Early Retirement… I want it. I must have it. I am planning for it. Don’t try to stop me. I’m thinking like next year… haha. Ok, maybe the year after that…

Now vs. Then, What did it cost? Apparently my thinking has been a little off. Percentage wise, it appears that things (houses, cars, big-stuff) cost more THEN than NOW – related to incomes. Although, overall, the cost of living now is much greater, what with FIOS, Wii and multiple SUVs… What do you think? You tell me?

And there you have it. My “to be blogged about” list for the last 2-3 months. There’s much much more I’m sure, but now I can officially delete the reminder email and MS Word list from my desktop. Mission accomplished. I BLOGGED! GO ME!!!

Let's try this again, shall we?

2009-10-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time I started a blog. Once upon another time I started another blog. I often think about writing in these blogs. But I never seem to get around to it. Sometimes I think it's because my topics overlap a little bit and I feel like I need to repeat things in both blogs. And sometimes I just don't feel like updating all the cool stats in blog #2. This could be true. Or it could be that I'm lazy, or uninterested, or otherwise distracted. So I decided to start a new "combo blog" of sorts. I'll talk a little life. I'll talk a little money. Maybe I'll talk a little life and money at the same time. But I probably won't do any fancy side bars or links. Or maybe I will. That is, if I ever write anything...